i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
