Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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