She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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