If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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