Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
