I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
