Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
