there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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