i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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