I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
