Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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