I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
