currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
