Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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