Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
