Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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