"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
