Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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