I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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