4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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