I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
