i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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