did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
