What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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