Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
