i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
