i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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