Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
