Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I tried to get the guy I like to āspit shakeā on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My vagina likes him more than I do, but Iām going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
