you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
