i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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