Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
