I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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