While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
