it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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