I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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