Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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