The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
