I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
