Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
