So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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