'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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