did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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