Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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