omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
