My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
