I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
