so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
