my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
