Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
